Looking back…

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Today my son turned three years old. It’s hard to believe because just yesterday it felt like he was just born…I can’t believe just how fast the last 3 years have flown by. It is incredibly bittersweet. The old saying is true – “The days are long but the years are fast…” Feels like I blinked and he has turned from my chubby little newborn into this strong, adventurous, spirited, amazing little man. I am so blessed to have him in my life, he is my world and I thank the stars everyday that I get to call him my own. Even if I don’t get to experience another pregnancy or have another baby, I am happy to know that I got to experience it with him.

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“And so I want to hold him in my arms a little longer today, because already my baby is gone. Already there is a boy in his place. And one day not too far in the future, there will be an older boy in his place, and then a teenager, and then a young man…”

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I thought I would share with you guys how the shark cake turned out…I think I did a pretty good job (considering I’m definaly no baker/cake decorator!) The smile on Zach’s face when he saw it was enough for me, he was in heaven.

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The cake took me pretty much all of saturday to do. We then spent the night at my sister in laws birthday party, I was kept busy and didn’t have my mind constantly on the TWW. I have had no symptoms what so ever so I’m not too sure how I feel about my chances – But I don’t want to think negatively. I can just cross my fingers and hope for the best. With Zach I KNEW I was pregnant – my boobs had never hurt (or grown! lol) so much in my life. The pit of my stomach is so nervous – we want this so bad…

I thought I would finish it off with some pictures from my pregnancy with Zach – Literally the BEST months of my life…

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The two week wait…

So 3 days have passed since our IUI and I’m 3 days into the two week wait.

And already going crazy. Over analysing everything that’s going on with my body, ‘Are my boobs sore today?’ ‘My stomach is a little upset!’ ‘Oooh is that cramping!’ LITERALLY everything my body does I have to analyse and see if I think it’s ‘pregnancy‘ related. Driving myself mad! I don’t want to get my hopes up…overthinking is a bitch…you can’t just turn your brain off. I was just thinking today though how amazing it is that I could actually be pregnant – I have spent the pass 4 years knowing that I will never be someone who might feel sick one day or miss a period and just think ‘oh wow maybe I’m pregnant‘ – Beacuse well – it’s impossible (can’t make a baby without sperm lol) So it’s amazing to be in this moment and just have that little glimmer of hope hanging over our heads…

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Thank god the weekend is here, tomorrow I’ll be busy baking a cake for my sons 3rd birthday, I cannot believe he is going to be three already, time flies! I have found a shark inspired cake that I’m going to attempt to make (thank you Pinterest!) – he is currently obsessed with sharks and just about anything that is found in the sea lol. That will keep me rather occupied for most of the day. We then have my sister in laws birthday party to attend tomorrow evening. Zach’s birthday is Sunday so we will be busy visiting family and seeing friends, a busy weekend sounds very nice to me right now. Anything to keep me sane and keep my mind and myself busy…

Here is the cake I wanna attempt – wish me luck, I’ll need it lol.

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Hope everyone has a great weekend!! xx

Did we just make a baby…?


So it’s done!
IUI day is finally here. We went in for our IUI at 1pm this afternoon. We are officially in the two week wait…really hoping it flies by and I don’t drive myself crazy during the wait haha. I can take a home pregnancy test on July 5th.IMG_1036

So I spent the morning distracting myself by sweeping and mopping the floors, cleaning the bathroom, washing our bed sheets and putting on some new ones, dusting etc. The morning flew by and before I knew it Jason was home from work at lunchtime to pick me up. We got our stuff ready and off we went.

I had a stomach full of butterflies when we pulled up into the clinics parking lot. So nervous, so excited and so full of hope. We waited to be called into our room and read over the final paperwork and checked our donor sperm ID number to make sure there were no stuff ups. It was all good to go and I signed on the dotted line. I laid down on the bed, legs on the stirrups, ready to go…The produce only takes a few minutes, the IUI is performed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus. It was over before I knew it. The doctor wished us luck and told us to give him a call if I get my period or a positive pregnancy test. I thanked him so much and he was gone (off to help deliver a baby – the life of a busy gynaecologist) the nurses were lovely and they left us alone to lay down for about 15mins after the IUI. Feeling a little crampy at the moment but other than that everything is feeling great.

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Before the IUI I had to pick up some pineapple – apparently if you eat pineapple (mainly the core of the pineapple) it helps with implantation of the egg…so I’m all for helping nature along. We drove straight home and I’ve been laying down in bed, eating pineapple and reading for the past 2 and a half hours…relaxing before Zach is home from his day at Kindy. The two week wait is finally here, now all we can do is hope and pray that we are cooking up a baby…

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We have triggered…

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So…trigger shot is done. It went down at 1am monday morning, It’s now 8:30am and the injection area is a little tender. The actual shot didn’t hurt, I was sure it was going to but it didn’t. I guess the idea of probing and poking yourself with a needle is a little more scary than actually doing it. That whole mind over matter thing you know…

Went it came to loading up the needle and getting it ready for the injection I was all thumbs – I felt like I was just stuffing everything up. I was just a nervous wreck. I just had to take a breath and relax. Once it was over I just kept thinking I didn’t do it right, it’s not going to work…But the injection pen was emptied, the shot was done. I knew it was done. Doubt just can’t help but crawl into my mind at times. This morning when I woke up I took an ovulation test to see if the second line was starting to darken up. (I took one yesterday and it was white – no second line at all) This mornings test had 2 lines…faint second line, but its there and it should now darken up over the next 36-48 hours.

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On a side note: I spent all of friday night throwing up, my son had gotten a stomach bug from kindy and he was throwing up on thursday night, and he so kindly passed it onto me. I threw up a grand total of 7 times that night and got NO sleep…Felt like death all weekend and to top it all off I’m not getting a cold – runny nose, headaches, cough…This could have happened at anytime but no it had to happen just before our IUI…I hope it doesn’t effect it at all. Here’s doubt creeping back into my mind again…Positive – I need positive thoughts. From this point on it’s all positive!!!

IUI is tomorrow afternoon at 1pm – I have the day off work and Zach will be at kindy…after the deed is done I will be spending the afternoon in bed reading and relaxing…and hoping…

Wish us luck xxx

Follicle ultrasound results…

Today marks cycle day 9, 4 days since stopping Clomid we went in for my follicle ultrasound this morning, we got to see our fertility doctor again which was nice. He is a great doctor and very friendly/funny. I like that we can have jokes and it’s not all serious/no ‘personal’ type of conversations like past doctors have been.

So basically we went into this cycle blind because we had no idea how Clomid was going to work on me, whether the 50mg was going to be a high enough dose or not. We literally went in blind. The doctor likes to normally do 1 cycle of just trying out the drugs to see how they work with your body etc but my clinics office is based out of town and all the nurses etc fly up to Townsville every couple of months and will not be back until September so our doctor said lets just go for it, do the Clomid and just pray it works…So did it work? Did I produce follicles?

YES! Yes I did

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The vaginal ultrasound wasn’t bad at all, a tiny bit uncomfortable but that’s about it. The idea was more scary than anything I think, never having had one before.  So he started with my right ovary – and apparently my good side. I had 2 measuring at 16mm and a smaller one at 13mm I also had about 3 smaller ones but they were too small to do anything so we didn’t get the measurements. Then onto my left ovary...I had a grand total of 1…a teeny tiny one that was also too small to even measure. My left side is a dud.

So in theory a follicle will grow about 2mm every 24 hours, so I will be triggering on Sunday night/early Monday morning. So the two 16mm will hopefully be a good 20mm by then and the 13mm will be about a 17mm. 18mm plus is ideal.

So everything is set and ready to go, I will be doing the oviderl trigger shot 1am Monday morning, and the IUI will take place 1pm Tuesday afternoon. So nervous and excited. Really hoping it works for us first time. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed!!

 

Clomid side effects…update…

So I lied….maybe Clomid is giving me some nasty side effects. For example this horrible hideous headache that I have had for about 8 hours now…I feel like crap and just want nothing but sleep!!! 
Hot flashes are also picking up….right now I am a sweaty hot mess, which makes trying to get some sleep almost impossible. 

Mood swings have also picked up. Yesterday for example I was trying to play a song through YouTube on our PlayStation – I tired it like 3 times and it didn’t work….so I started ‘laugh crying’ – you know the one where you laugh so much tears start to well up in your eyes, and well that lead to ‘crying’ crying hahaha. Over a song…what the hell?! Then Jason came out and put the song in in one try and well – that made me cry more…

Tomorrow is my last day of Clomid…I got this…Just hoping some nice follicles are growing!   

Clomid has commenced…

So 4 days after stopping the pill my period returned (11th June) So I have started my Clomid and will be taking a 50mg dose for days 2-6 of my cycle. Today is my second day taking it and honestly I haven’t really experienced any side effects, maybe just some mild hot flashes…I feel like the pill made me more crabby and moody than Clomid…so far. (Knock on wood lol) I literally prepared myself to go on like a massive crazy bitch fest, my nurse told me horror stories about other clients on Clomid, not to mention almost everything I’ve read online has been horrible…although Jason said he’ll let me know by day 4 how my mood has (truly) been lol.

   

My ultrasound with our fertility doctor is booked for 9:45am on Friday the 19th to check how many/if any follicles have grown. So nerves because I have no idea how my body is going to react to Clomid and if the 50mg does will be a high enough dose. Staying positive though and hoping it all works out!!
Not much else to update on until the ultrasound – 6 days away and counting!