So many emotions and feelings.
So much is happening and I can’t seem to process it all. My mind is running in over drive.
Life is such a beautiful, amazing, awesome thing. I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son. But life is also one of the scariest, craziest roller coasters you’ll ever ride. So happy and high on moment, and then you crash.
The things currently consuming my mind:
1 – IUI is fast approaching, we only have enough money to give it 2 goes, so I’m praying and hoping everything works out first go. I don’t want to get my hopes up…(of curse I will though…) Trying to stay as stress free as I can. Easier said then done.
2 – I feel gross. I feel like a whale. I hate my unhealthy relationship with food. I hate not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I second guess if my weight will effect the IUI and my chances of even falling pregnant. I’m just not in love with myself at the moment…I don’t know if it’s the stupid birth control the doctor has me on, but I feel extra emotional, mood swings are bad and so bloated.
3 – Zach! He’s speech has improved quite a bit since starting Kindy, but it’s still nowhere near where it should be. I stress over it daily. Not only because most days I just wanna scream ‘JUST TALK – JUST SAY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING‘ but because I worry there might be something wrong. He gets so upset and frustrated over things and he can’t communicate it to me. We first bought up Zach’s speech with our doctor about February this year, he just passed it off like it was no big deal. That he just needed to go to Kindy and interact more and he’d pick it up. Fast forward almost 4 months of Kindy, he has picked up more words but still not enough. He’s not dumb, he’s so so smart and bright and knows so much but when it comes to speaking he just won’t. So we are off to the doctors again on Friday – a referral to a speech pathologist is what we need!! I feel like a shit person because he isn’t talking. A failure.
These are my thoughts….my fears. These are the things currently controlling my mind…